Saturday, March 14, 2009

The fierce urgency of cleansing one's palette...

assbag man.jpeg

I don't suffer fools well. That's a big part of why I don't like politicians. I have on many occasions praised Jon Stewart for presenting the news the way I like it...funny. TV news is not to be taken seriously. About 900 years ago, when the 2008 campaign began, Stewart became an Obama supporter. That's his right and I support his right to support a presidential candidate. I think he was wasting his time just like all the other Obama supporters, not to mention the McCain supporters. A bad thing happened when he started down this road. His show started getting less funny. Then Obama won the presidency, which Stewart equates to falling in a vat of radioactive waste. He now believes he has superpowers. And the humor value of his show has dwindled steadily since. I guess funny isn't his superpower.

Last night, Jon Stewart's publicity-generating feud with CNBC in general and Jim Cramer in particular came to a head when Jim Cramer appeared on The Daily Show. This is when Stewart came out as dramatically as Robert Downey, Jr. announced he was indeed Iron Man (No. Not really. In the movie.) Jon Stewart is Assbag Man. I watched it Friday evening in repeat. I have better things to do at 11pm when The Daily Show first runs (I was playing Desktop Tower Defense and watching Firefly on Hulu).

Don't look for a link to the interview. I decided not to include it. Google it. I was afraid that if I found it, it would start playing. I only wish to suffer it once. Let me give you a simple synopsis and then you can check it out for yourself.

Stewart asked Cramer about a number of problems in the financial sector that contributed to and exacerbated our current economic problems. These problems have been more than adequately covered before. Stewart is not the great economic analyst of our time. Jim Cramer agreed with him. It was painful to watch because agreeing with Assbag Man feeds his powers of insufferability. There were a couple of points where I think Cramer was going to take issue with what Assbag Man said but Cramer was thwarted by Assbag Man's powers of interrupting when someone else starts a sentence.

Based upon the press and the blogs, there are a number of people who think Jon Stewart (Assbag Man) was really great. That includes USA Today, whose article I linked earlier. Doesn't make them right. A lot of people used to think the sun went around the Earth, not the other way around. They were not right no matter how many of them there were. Therefore, I will spell this out slowly for the many, many terminally stupid out there in a simple Q&A format that will not only provide answers you probably lack the brain power to grasp, but will ask the questions that your few surviving brain cells are too busy celebrating Stewart's non-accomplishment to ask.

Did the financial sector do some really stupid things? Yes. "Some" is a very conservative estimate.

Did CNBC fiddle while Rome burned. Yes. So did the rest of the media, most of whom didn't even talk about this.

Did Jim Cramer share guilt in this? Yes. He said so himself. He said so enough times that anybody who listened heard it. That is, except for Assbag Man.

Did Jon Stewart (Assbag Man) have a good point when he quoted the Carly Simon song about this not being about you (referring to Cramer)? No, he didn't. Guess what, Jon Boy? If you keep showing video clips of your guest, you are making it about him. One of the powers you don't have is the ability to make people realize that although you are showing a person something, you don't really want to talk about it. You're confusing yourself with Captain Non sequitur.

Did Jon Stewart (Assbag Man) contribute anything to this debate. No. You could, and probably have, heard it all before. Read this article. Gee, Johnny, you've only been scooped by about a year.

Did Jon Stewart (Assbag Man) have any good, original ideas? Yes. He suggested he could go back to making fart noises and funny faces. Start now, Johnny.

Was Stewart's point about one of them being honest about what they were all about well made? Not hardly, children. Stewart is the fake news on Comedy Central for crying out loud, and he's trying to play Edward R. Murrow. Both Jim Cramer's website and television show come with a disclaimer. No folks, Assbag Man can't read. You're thinking of The Silver Literate.

For the our government is all good and all wonderful and incapable of doing wrong (believing this is one of Assbag Man's greatest powers) crowd...

Would government regulation have saved us from this? No. Government regulation cures nothing. At best, it plugs holes in the system. At worst, it stifles any given system. Sarbanes-Oxley is an excellent example of our good and perfect (pfft) government's efforts. Sure they reformed the IPO process. They made the regulations in such a way that IPOs have all but disappeared. John Dvorak hit it on the head when he called it, "The public accountant and auditor's protection act of 2002."

Even if government regulation could only stop what actually happened, couldn't it have stopped this? No. The market wasn't going to go up forever. It never does.

But wouldn't have government regulation have made things not so bad? Get over it. Quit expecting the government to solve all your problems. For one thing, they are not completely innocent in all of this. I've briefly touched on this in a previous post. Oh, and this article will (well, should) scare the hell out of you. Make sure you look at the date. If it doesn't scare you, please don't breed.

After this farce was over, I watched the Colbert Report. It cleansed my palette. I laughed my ass off rather like I used to do with The Daily Show before Jon Stewart decided to be a costumed superhero.

Hang up your Assbag Man costume, park the Assbagmoblie, and go back to what you are (or were) really good at...being funny. You are losing your ability to tell jokes as you come closer and closer to being one.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What scares me in the NYT Article "Fannie Mae Eases Credit To Aid Mortgage Lending" is that what was reported was things that I wanted to say out loud. I feared that I maybe called a-all together now-racist. I was amazed to read that they already, more or less, expected a government bailout to get them out of the mess they knew they were creating back in 99.

Ah. Jon Stewart. What is sad is that some people get their news for Stewart. They don't seem to distinguish the difference between hard news and shows like Stewarts. Why is Stew so angry with Cramer?
Who in their right minds would have taken stock advice from Cramer? Maybe Stew took some of his advice.

Most all in the media and the government were Neros. One didn't have to have a Harvard Degree in business to see this coming. Most chose to bury their heads in the sand. There was too much money to be made. Before this financial mess, I sat in awe wondering just what in the hell was going on. Things were moving too fast. Something just didn't feel right.