Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The fierce urgency of blowing off the Constitution...

blowing off the constitution.jpeg


Legislation that would grant the District a representative in Congress with full voting rights is scheduled to go before the U.S. Senate next week, a potential milestone in the long battle to secure a seat for the District in the House of Representatives.

It has been said before. I will say it again. I cite section two, clause one of the Constitution.

The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People of the several States....

The Constitution stipulates that states receive representation in the House of Representatives. The District of Columbia is not a state. Therefore, it cannot have representation. The Constitution grants Congress the power To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States. So far, this has never been interpreted to mean that the power of Congress in the District supercedes all other provisions of the Constitution. But, for the sake of argument, let's say it does.

Within the District of Columbia, Congress could...


Declare an official religion (I suggest the Norse pantheon of gods)

Prevent any other religion from being practiced

Suspend freedom of speech (you can say anything you want in pig latin though)

Go back to the no gun law (including plastic ray guns)

Force you to keep soldiers in your spare bedroom (or the master bedroom for that matter)

Random searching and seizuring can become the rule of the day
Due process, bah! Off with their heads!

Only one trial for the same crime? Screw that! We'll get you sooner or later.

Jury of peers? No! Jury of goldfish. If they die when we take them out of water...you're guilty!

Slavery could be reintroduced. This time, I suggest beautiful people. It would be a great boon to both the BDSM community and to the D.C. area Craigslist.

A new game show could be developed for DC residents called "Who Doesn't Get to be a Citizen Anymore"

Alcohol could be legal and illegal on alternating days. Perhaps random days would be better. No telling if that beer will land you in jail or not.

Women voting? Pfffttt. Only one-armed men over 55 years old. And anyone named Richard Kimble.

This could be interesting.

I'm usually not one for offering solutions. However, since I am a believer in the slippery slope and I don't want to see where blowing off the Constitution could lead, I offer these alternatives.

1. If you chose to live in Washington, D.C. and you have the wherewithal to move out then shut up, suck it up, and get over it. You made a choice, live with the consequences.


2. To eliminate the no taxation without representation argument, I say, "Fine." You don't have to pay federal taxes. You still have to pay any local taxes that are issued by any body for which you elect representatives. You don't get off completely scott free.


3. If you think there are larger issues than taxation, then while the federal government is spending money like drunken sailors on shore leave buying beer and whores, I say vote every family in D.C. a stipend of $75,000 and give them a month to move out.


4. We could always amend the Constitution to allow a federal district to have representatives in Congress. We could get them a pair of senators while we're at it.


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2 comments:

Liz said...

Hey! I got it! How about if they take the census out of the Commerce Department and place it in the White House? Then we could have even a larger mess of redistricting local districts and reapportionmenting congressional seats on top of giving The District of Columbia a representative. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Thank for the referral to despair Inc's. 'CORRUPTION' graphic. I had to smile when I saw it.
BTW Where you referring to the year 536 Rome? My take on that is: Those who cannot learn from history...

Gridlock Reigns said...

A lazier way to do it would be to leave the districts just the way they are and give DC 1000 representatives.