Saturday, January 31, 2009

The twenty-eighth amendment...

I don't usually favor amending the Constitution. I opposed the proposed amendment to ban flag burning. I wasn't worried about the free speech issue. I wasn't worried about any of the other concerns raised about it. Frankly, I don't care whether you burn a flag or not. Flags are cloth. If you want to burn what the flag stands for, then we need to have a conversation. Fortunately, ideas are fireproof.

Well, it's time for a new amendment. I'll let the legal eagles work out the wording but basically, I want an amendment that protects the dignity of the office of the President of the United States. With no disrespect to our president, these are the kind of things I would like to see made illegal by this amendment...

"I'll have the Barack-a-rockin' burger with a side order of Obama-rama onion rings and a large Sasha shake...."

"Celebrate this momentous moment in history by proudly wearing your Barack Obama commemorative thong...."

"You can relive that great moment in history each time you wipe with Barack Obama toilet paper. One side of each sheet is imprinted with the smiling face of our president and the other side contains a pithy quote from his historic campaign. If you order now, you will also receive a roll of Barack Obama paper towel and box of Barack Obama facial tissue. Imagine the pride you will feel each time you wipe up a spill or blow your nose."

I think you're getting the idea here. I've seen Barack Obama's face on everything from tote bags to cigarette lighters.

Barack Obama and his accomplishments are certainly something to be commemorated. However, one must not forget that he is the sitting president. The office deserves respect as does the person who holds the office so long as the person does not completely abdicate such respect. [insert your own Bill Clinton oral sex or cigar joke or George Bush verbal floundering joke here] There needs to be some restraint before the nightly news brings me photos of the Barack Obama crack pipe.

This just might mean that bloggers can no longer add horns and sinister mustache to a picture of the president and claim that they are actually the devil. That's tough. We can live without it. There can still be plenty of constructive criticism as well as downright distaste with this amendment. Someone, somewhere will likely have to give up their plans to market a line of Barack Obama Commemorative Feminine Hygiene Products.

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